Writing Workshop Observations Of Essay A

An observation is something everyone will notice once you point it out. If it is an observation, there can be no disagreement about it. The things you notice can't be too obvious. And it is a good thing when several students have the same observation. Observations are the facts that lie behind inferences and evaluations.
Evaluation: The middle part was the best.
Inference: The middle part is intense.
Observation: The middle part is mostly dialogue.

Opinion/evaluation: I feel it ended too abruptly.
Observation: A new speaker comes in right at the end.

Inference: It was serious.
observation: It uses scientific words.

Observations for Bertram's essay:
I heard lots of repeated words.
It was short.
Sam played a central role in you becoming outgoing.
Except for the mention that Sam became your best friend, there wasn't a lot of information about Sam or your friendship with him.
It was your parents who caused you to become outgoing by sending you to the church youth group.
I heard that your parents were worried about you.
You repeated "this" a lot.
The essay was a chronological narrative.
The is written in first person.
You used the phrase "Despite this fact" for a transition.

Objectives of activity
For the observer:
Listen intensely to writing, training our ear to hear the rhythms of writing.
Learn to observe what is actually there in a text.
Learn how these what we observation build into the rhetorical effects of a text (i.e. flow is created by repeated words, transitions like “this” and “Despite this fact”).

For the writer:
Experience an immediate audience concentrating on every word you’ve written.
Hear what is actually in your text, what is actually there rather than what you meant to be there.
See the concrete effects of your writing on a reader.
Take more control over your writing by understanding what readers will observe in it.

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